Monday, October 30, 2006

Halloween Survival Lessons...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

I just thought I would do some fun lessons
to survive this halloween...(as if you were in your own horror flick)

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster,
*never* check to see if it's really dead.

2. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit
uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood,
glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on,
get away from them as fast as possible.

3. Do not search the basement, especially if
the power has just gone out.

4. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws,
staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws,
or any device made from deceased companions.

5. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

6. Stay away from certain geographical areas, some of which are listed here:
Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle,
Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one),
or any small town in Maine.

7. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language
which they should not know or if they speak to you using a voice
which is other than their own, shoot them immediately.
It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.
NOTE: It will probably take several hundred rounds to kill them,
so be prepared!

8. If you're running from the monster,
expect to trip or fall at least twice,
more if you are of the female persuasion.
Also note that, despite the fact that you are running
and the monster is merely shambling along,
it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

9. When you have the benefit of numbers,
*never* pair off and go it alone.

10. Do not take *anything* from the dead.

11. As a general rule, don't ever solve puzzles
that open portals to Hell.

12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology
unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

13. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside,
or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum,
or other house of the dead.

14. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke!

15. Please don't use mystic Ouija boards on Oct. 31,
and after NEVER NEVER burn a Ouija board.

16. If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby
deserted-looking house to phone for help.

17. If you're searching for something which caused a noise
and find out that it's just the cat,
*leave the room immediately* , if you value your life.

*and last but not least...

18. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's
probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away!

Happy Halloween..MWA HA HA~

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