Birthdays and Holidays

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone.. My son turned 5 on Nov. 22.
Time marches on, and the shopping season esp.(Black Friday) begins.
Soon the time will come for those to hustle and bustle about... buying material things for family you either soo too much of or not enough. My view is always a little bleak around the holdidays. I am getting older. My son is 5! Where does the time go? I start thinking about the past year, who I've lost. Not only did I lose my aunt angela last year, (in feb) , I lost her husband and my once best friend (both in feb). My friend was 26. On top of that, my grandma having strokes , not having a place to live and moving in with us in a very cramped apt.
She is moving into some senior apartments soon. She insists she has to be on her own.. alone. Even tho I would love my bedroom back, I love my grandma even tho she does drive me nuts and treats me like I'm 5, I worry about how she will really be able to deal with it. So yea, the past couple years of birthdays and holidays haven't been so great. However thats when I keep reminding myself how bad others have it. No matter what I have been through, others have gone through it too and worse. I have a home.. some do not. I have a compter, tv, some do not. I may not always get what I want, but then others NEVER get what they want. As crappy as my life is sometimes, I try to cherish it. I beg God to give me strength. I have to do this each day. Other wise, I start to fall into self'-pity again. I don't know how things will be the next year or in 2 or in 5 or so on. I do know it won't always be like this. It can't, otherwise.. I don't even want to think about that. I have my son. I adore and cherish the little moments because in the end, that is all we have and how we affect our children.
So bring on the Birthdays and Holidays. We won't have them for very long.

Harry Potter : Goblet of Fire - Movie 4

So I got to see the new Harry Potter Film. This one is certainly much different in tone than the first three. Alot more going on I am sure it was hard to get this book into one smooth screenplay. With that said, I did like the movie, it was very visually appealing. However as an avid reader of the books, it did leave something to be desired. It didn't feel as smooth to me as the first 3 were. It just felt like going from this big point in the book to this point to this point, trying to pack only the major things in. I am seriously concerned for how they will treat the contest for the final three installments, as book 5 and 6 are rather large. Personally, I say treat the last three like Peter Jackson did for LOTR.
The public has proven that we will sit 3 hours for a good movie about books we love. With Harry growing up, and danger becoming ever more persistant, 2 and a half hours simply will not do the next three books justice. Especially when everything finally comes to ahead and unfolds and all ends are neatly wrapped up, if JKR sees fit to do so. HP : GOF was ok . It wasn't the big huge phenom I thought it was going to be. It is still a great movie, but I certainly hope like Harry and each new DADA teacher.. I hope the new director on the next one will do a better job.

All Things Harry Potter

HARRY POTTER!! Ok yeah, I am a Harry Potter fan. I own all 6 books and
I have the first three movies on DVD. I am also getting ready to watch the fourth movie installment - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I have read every book within 2 days, except for the last one which I bought at midnight and read in one day and a half. What can I say, I love the series. It brings me to this magical world just like The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings did. Just like The Chronicles of Narnia did. (which I am also looking forward to seeing this year) I sit here at 4:30 am finishing the last chapters of Goblet of Fire again, just so I have it fresh in my mind when I see the film this saturday. No, I wont be seeing it tomorrow when it comes out, as mush I wished I could. Luckily, and amazingly my mom won tickets for for to see HP : GOF from our local radio station Q108 - TY GRETCHEN CORDY(from survivor 1)- dang my mom seems to win alot from them :). Though I cant complain, I won a couple things from em like 20 dollar certificates and 50 in cash. So, thanks to my mom's luck
I do not have to pay to see Harry Potter. We will get to go see it in
Clarksville, TN which is only about 25-30 min from us ... depends on how fast ya drive- but really this year the film is rated PG-13, which means no more whiny 5 or 6 or 7 yr olds running up and down the isles screaming about Harry.
If you take a kid that young to this.. I feel sorry for you. The books are getting much much darker.. as will the films.. I mean come one MURDER in Cold Blood.. is that a kiddie topic?? I think not! Thanks to who she killed in book 6 ( I am still very pissed at that and will never forgive JK Rowling for it)
He didn't have to die - although she would argue yes he did. Guess I have to wait till book 7 to find out all the reasons.. anyway I ramble.. I am really looking forward to GOF. It has already pre-sold tickets 3 times the amount of POA.
It truly will be the BEST Potter yet.. till the next one of course!!

Jonathan Brandis.. Gone But Not Forgotten.

I am here at my computer at 4 o'clock in the morning and I have been crying again. I have been pouring over articles and pictures of the late actor JB. Nov 12, 2003 was the date Jonathan Gregory Brandis died. He was 27.
This year I turned 27. It makes me think.
Yesterday marked the 2 year anniversary of his death.
We never know why people who commit suicide decide to take their life. We just know it hurts those that are left behind. There are so many articles about why he did what he did, but it doesn't make it any easier. He was one of my favorite childhood actors growing up, among Wil Wheaton, Devon Sawa, and Corey Feldman and Corey Haim.
One article I read mentioned Wil Wheaton talking about him :

Former child actor Wil Wheaton, who co-starred with River Phoenix in the cult classic film, "Stand By Me," and had an early career much like Brandis', even to the point that, like Brandis, he had a role on a sci-fi TV series, wrote of his pain at the news of Brandis' suicide on his internet Weblog last week. "I know how hard it is to make the transition from child to adult actor. I know how merciless Hollywood is. I know the pain, frustration and depression that he must have felt. I know it intimately. The thing is, if I'd turned right instead of left, if I'd taken the elevator instead of the stairs, if I'd chosen differently when faced with one of those 1 or 0 decisions, that could be me you're reading about today," Wheaton wrote. Almost 100 written responses from Wheaton fans were also posted on the Weblog in response to Wheaton's remarks. "I am sadder about it than I expected. The worst is to think in how much pain he must have been to make a choice like that, and that he was alone with it," one wrote.

We will always miss you and you will forever be in our hearts.

The Music Genome Project.

I checked out this great site about music called Pandora, created by the Music Genome Project. This is pretty similar to other radio casts out there where you pick a song or artists, then they search and find other similar songs/artists that are comparable to the first song/artist that you chose. I typed in Numb (for Linkin Park) and it gave me a selection to make sure that is the song I wanted and it started playing other similar styles of music. I'm thinking yea this is cool.
It really is very cool. I am having fun compiling a list of new songs and artits to burn onto a cd that I may never have otherwise heard. You can check it out for yourself at: http://www.pandora.com This is a great way to listen to new things you may never have ever heard in your life. Thanks Sires. :)

Music soothes the soul.

There are all kinds of pain out there. Emotional. Physical.
I think however we get over physical pain much easier than the emotional.
That's the kind that stays with you forever. It never completely goes away.
Just check out one of the videos I chose for my blog, Papa Roach's scars.
I will mix it up with a different video each week. If there is a vid you wanna see let me know. I like to pick songs that speak to me. Like Linkin Park's Numb. Evanesence's Bring me to life. Alanis Morrisette's you oughta know. Songs that speak to my soul. I know I've had my share of pain in life. I'm sure everyone has.
But the great thing about these songs is they CAN make you feel better.
Music is so important to me in my life. Whenever I have had a painful day, I find the song du jour that becomes my personal anthem. We all have them.
Music soothes our pains. Music soothes our souls.
Celebrate your anthem.

The FAT war rages on.

I was reading an interesting article today about the 'politics' of being fat.
Interesting. It seems there is a new .. well maybe not so new movement of groups pushing anti-fat bigotry. Ok , this could be good and this could be bad.
The article talks about how dieting actually makes some people fatter and totes on the billion dollar industry. It also discusses how alot of people make no excuse for their size and are perfectly happy being big, as well as saying how larger people are discriminated against and that alot of big people are that way due to genetics and other reasons, so it's not really their fault. Well , I agree to this only somewhat. I do come from genes that give me the predispostion to be big. That is only a small part of it. I didn't start getting big till after I hit 12 when a major life trauma affected me (and no I can't discuss that it's too painful). The reasons I attribute to being my size are part genes, and part over eating and not enough activity, which pretty much does it. When I had my trauma not only at 12 but I had one years earlier at 4 (let's just say it involved male members of my family and you may get the idea), I started to get the idea in my warped head, if I am bigger I'll be unattractive and maybe they will leave me alone. So now years later.. I am big. However being my size, hasn't stopped me from having my son, or boyfriends, or a sex life. I've dated very attractive guys and bigger guys. I personally think it is all about choice and responsibility.
Should big people be sneered out, be biased against, be made fun of, get sub-standard care in medicine? No. Of course not. It is one of the last forms of bigotry, but as the article states usually minorities are discriminated against.
What happens when the minority becomes the majority? One-third of all adult americans are overweight or obese.
A so-called new study states that in the course of a lifetime,
9 out of 10 men and 7 out of 10 women are going to become overweight.
This is shocking to some, but not to others, especially the way our culture is heading. So like I said, it is all about choice and responsibility. If you are happy with your size and you are quite healthy then by all means, be what makes you happy. Do not change for anyone other than yourself. If you have had trauma in your life , like I have, and you ended up big and are not happy with it, then do something about it that makes you happy. My size didn't come to me over night. It came over the last 15 years. I am still trying to lose what I gained during my pregnancy. It's not easy, but I do what I can. Losing the weight will not be easy either but it is my choice to try and lose my weight and I will do it in my own way, in my own time. So anyone who doesn't look beyond my weight to know me , isn't worth knowing for me.
Here is the full article about - America's Waistline.
http://www.slate.com/id/2128999/?GT1=7407

WWdN # 4

Well, I had finally made it to a WWdN tour. I was pretty excited and had been slowly climbing with a few good hands yo-yoing a bit.. till I reached 6 k in chips.
Then one hand took me down to 3 and then finally Went in big with A8 and there was an A23 in flop. However I was called and lo and behold the other player had AK.. and I was knocked out at 53. Stupid Stupid. Well, that was probably my first and last WWdN tour. Unless I have a lot more money to spend again and that probably wont be for some time. It was a good experience and I KNOW I could've gone much further if I didn't play so loose. I had to go cry. I really did. Live and Learn. It was a good experience but I will be sticking to the free play for a long time.